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Raise Your Expectations
By Liz Rhodebeck
Recently the comic strip titled, For Better or Worse, a story
line about a typical suburban family, depicted a familiar scenario. The
mother Elly has recently returned to work after the birth of her third
child, and is finding the combined duties of job and home overwhelming.
She is seen in the cartoon standing by a pile of dirty dishes and
lamenting how the appearance of the house has deteriorated since she
started back to work. In frustration she asks her husband how she will
ever manage to keep her house as spotless as it was before and still
work at an outside job. The husband (as only as man can see things),
responds by suggesting to his wife, “Lower your standards.” Elly is
seen giving him a dirty look for such an idea.
No doubt with many working women this strikes a familiar
chord, especially if you have a family. Whether it is a cultural or a
genetic conditioning is open to debate, but nevertheless, most women
feel a concern about the appearance of their home and the ensuing
housework. Over and over the most common complaint heard by working
women is the lack of time to get everything done necessary at home – or,
at least necessary in their opinion. Surely, there must be some
spiritual answer, some spiritual help to dealing with this very physical
dilemma. Is the answer, as the husband in the cartoon suggests, to
“lower your standards?”
As common as it may seem, housework has earned a few mentions in the
Bible. Proverbs 17:1 tells how a poor but happy home is better than a
fancy home full of strife. The story in Luke 15:8 is of a woman
sweeping her house clean to find a lost coin.
However, the most memorable story is the one of Mary and Martha (Luke
10:38-42). Jesus was a good friend to Mary, Martha and their brother
Lazarus, and frequently visited in their home. On one occasion, Jesus
was teaching in their living room with Mary sitting at his feet in rapt
attention. Meanwhile, Martha was busy in the kitchen, worrying about
what to serve her guests. (It doesn’t say in the Bible if other people
were present, but it’s likely that other family members or friends were
there also.) Probably Martha wanted to be a good hostess; can’t you
just imagine her thoughts: Do I have enough food? Will everyone like
what I’ve prepared? Are there clean dishes? Clean table linens? In
some ways, her efforts were admirable: she seemed to be concerned about
the comfort of her guests; she wanted everything to be perfect.
But Martha’s obsession about her home led her into a foul mood.
Resenting the fact that Mary was oblivious to her martyr-like efforts in
the kitchen, Martha finally bursts out in self-righteous anger, “Don’t
you care, Jesus, that I have to do all this work by myself? Tell Mary
to help me!” Jesus’ answer to her was one of patience. He recognized
her conscientious preparations but also corrected her. “Lighten up!” he
might have said in today’s vernacular. “Only a few things are necessary
and really only one,” Jesus replied. In the realm of housework as a
whole only a “few things” are truly necessary for existence, but we
insist on burdening ourselves with unrealistic ideals of the perfect
house. Some of these attitudes about our homes are cultural and reflect
a materialistic view about life.
But what was the most important thing that Jesus wanted to impress on
Martha as she fretted about her household? Was it an elaborate meal? A
dusted house with every trinket in place? Not at all. All that she
really had to worry about was keeping her eyes on Jesus, being in
relationship to Jesus. Mary stayed closed by him, listening, learning
who he was. Martha couldn’t learn much if she was off in the kitchen
all the time, fussing over her serving arrangements. Obviously, Jesus
felt comfortable enough; undoubtedly Martha had already served him some
kind of refreshment, but felt compelled to do more. Hospitality is not
some kind of evil – it is a ministry to make people comfortable in your
home and to provide for their needs. But Martha’s compulsion only made
her cranky and miss out on the whole point of the hospitality which was
people. Fancy food can be had at a restaurant; a warm bed can be
found at a hotel. But neither a restaurant nor an hotel are home. They
are not a place where people can relate to each other and grow in love.
In the context of being a place where people grow and are loved and
comforted, a house being clean or dirty is rather irrelevant. “Only a
few things are necessary.” Those in your home need only food, some
clean clothes, and a place to sleep. That seems to simplify things, but
our physical needs really are simple compared to the importance
of our spiritual and emotional needs.
When the husband in the cartoon suggests to “lower your standards,”
maybe he wasn’t too far off the mark. Judging the success of one’s home
by its cleanliness is really a rather shallow and superficial measure.
Rather, I would urge to “raise your expectations” of what a home should
be. If a house is immaculately clean but devoid of warmth and
acceptance and the love of God, then it has failed to become a home.
Expect your home to be a place where people can feel welcomed and
can relate to one another and figuratively “sit at Jesus’ feet” as his
concern for people’s hearts is reflected in your own concern. Let go of
some of the false standards of what make a happy home, and “choose the
good part, which shall not be taken away.”
Previously published
in
Christian Bible Teacher, November, 1992
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